do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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