This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize