Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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