you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
