If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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