you're like a bully in the Christmas story
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
