i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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