All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
