fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
