not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
