smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
