i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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