So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
