either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
