she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
