Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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