The maid of honor just puked.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
This baby is an asshole
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
