And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
