I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
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It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
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Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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