he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
