I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
