She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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