What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
