I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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