I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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