I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
