One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
