You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Blow job season was short but glorious.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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