I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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