His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
