the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
