strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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