well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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