My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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