It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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