Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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