So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
