dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
