We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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