Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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