So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Im just a social blackout drinker.
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Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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