I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
