he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
