hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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