I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
