is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
