Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
