We won't sleep together?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Congratulations! We have a period
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