We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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