We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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