WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
