dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
