it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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