watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
