I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
