first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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