I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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