also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
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Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
A bitchslap is in order.
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