did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
this must be what syphilis tastes like
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
