If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize