I cut my penus on the lid.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
