I'm sorry my penis didn't work
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
