You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
