Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
