Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
