I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
