Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
