I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
